Hello there lovely followers and friends. For those of you who haven’t spoken to me, I’m Jamie, It’s nice to meet you. I’m not sure if this will actually post, as I’ve never really used queue in this way before, but if you are reading this, it worked! You should congratulate me. Anyways, moving on. If you haven’t noticed, my blog has been pretty inactive lately, and a few of you are probably wondering why. Well, I’ll get to that part later. First of all, I just have to tell those who don’t know my situation that well a few things about my life. First of all, I have two jobs because my alcoholic mother got fired and can’t help support us anymore. I work about 60 hours a week, 30 for each job, and on top of that I go to school and am pressured to make high A’s to receive a scholarship because there is no way that I can actually afford college. As you can see there is a lot of stress put on me. And if you haven’t read my story, you can go do that now if you would like, it would probably explain a few things as to why I am the way I am. If not, I apologize, I’m not the best writer.
Alright, now for the serious part. A few days ago, I ended my life. It’s weird saying that. It doesn’t seem real. First of all, because I’m saying it in past tense, but second of all because it just seems like that isn’t actually possible. For me to die. To stop breathing. It’s hard to wrap your mind round really, once you think about it. I mean if it doesn’t work then none of you will ever see this unless I’m in a coma or something, but it’s going to work this time. It has too. I really just can’t live like this anymore, and I truly am sorry to anyone who actually cares, I don’t mean to hurt anyone by doing this, but I can’t take this anymore. I’ve given my password to one of my dear friends so if you need help or something she can help you. I don’t think she will be running my blog or anything, but just answering questions. I don’t even know if she will do that. But theres a chance she will see it. Maybe. And also my kik username and password. I wrote it down for her. So for the people that have my kik, you can ask her for help if she gets on there or something.
Anyhow, I just wanted to say goodbye to a few people. I didn’t do this in private because I didn’t want anyone to blame themselves or think that they were ‘too late’ in replying and could have saved me when you really couldn’t have. so excuse the public presentation of this, but I just had to say goodbye. I really just need to say goodbye just a few people specifically. If I don’t mention you, don’t feel badly about yourself, I just need to say goodbye to these few people. Their names are Emily, and Gillian so unless one of those names are your name, dont read whats below. I mean you can if that’s really what you desire, but really, whats the point?
Alright well before I say goodbye to those people in specific, I want to say goodbye to Hannah. I know we weren’t together for that long of a time, but you’ve been a good friend to me and I thank you for that. I wish I had had more time to talk to you. I hope things continue to go well with your psychiatrist, and I’m so so glad that things seem to be looking up for you lately :) You keep getting better, I love you.
Gillian, we talked a bit, and that drawing war was quite fun. I wish we had gotten to do the second one like we’d planned. I think youre a brilliant artist, and even though I’ve never read anything you’ve written, I’m quite sure you make a smashing writer as well. You were always a joy to talk too at 3 am when no one else was awake. Thank you for making my nights brighter. I love you.
Emily, I don’t even know where to begin. Well, I suppose I should start with thanking you. For always being there for me, no matter what. You’ve always been like a sister to me, and I don’t know how I could possibly explain how much you have done for me. I’ll miss our conversations and incoherent laughter at the silly mistakes and typos. You really made my life so much better. Thank you, for loving me. And since I never really got to show you, I made this blog for you in hopes that it would cheer you up on a day that you needed it. Perhaps this is that day. So, Here you go my dear. I do hope it cheers you up. And it would be better to look at it on a computer because there are different pages that you can go to and such. I do hope you like it. You mean the world to me, and I love you. I’ll take care of your babies, I promise you. I love you so much. So much. You keep your head up and don’t give up on yourself. I am so proud of you. Keep going. I love you bunny.
All my love